Two Months and Counting (11427)

I have neglected to update this blog as I ought.  More accurately, I have not shared in a long while because every time I sat down to write I was unsure of exactly what to say that would be both honest and beneficial to the reader.  I have a veritable cavalcade of feelings and thoughts and I am still not exactly sure how to condense and sort it all to be understood.  I am most grateful to so many and in awe of the how we got here.  I am excited to start this next season of "being whole again" and yet in the same breath I must tell you that this journey has been difficult in ways I had not expected.

In the first few weeks after surgery I was in pain and I slept often.  In the following weeks I was slowly healing and quickly overdoing it...

As I think we all do, I genuinely want to improve myself and quite frankly, I cannot wait until I am more patient.  Patience is something I struggle with and I am afraid my recovery is no exception.  However, it has given me the opportunity to see many things that a busy "normal me" would have missed.  When all you have is time the things in the back of your mind creep ever closer to the front and in that way I have been both blessed and cursed.  I will try not to make this post into a novel and keep to an overview format but I hope to share in a little more depth the details in the missing block of time in the days (likely weeks) to come.

Phase I: My last post left off (in April--shame on me) with me trying to keep myself straight and not rush the recovery... For those who know me well I have seldom played the straight man and this proved to be no exception.  I can breathe better now than I can ever remember breathing.  While on the pain medicines I felt little so I did much.  My stamina was and is still low so even in doing mundane things I am easily wearied.  In this I have seen the great benefits of heavy drugs.  The drugs also have a downside in that I didn't feel anything,  Seriously, I was numb.  In that numbness I was often self-absorbed and distant from the people quite literally surrounding me.

Phase II: As I tried to cut back on the narcotics I had to balance the need to be up and about with the signals to be still.  I also had an up close and front row seat to the chaos that can be Stacey's world.  Her gifts of ordering and planning coupled with her seemingly endless labor keep it at bay--until six kids a dog and now two birds collide with the hazards of life.  I always appreciated her work in the everyday mommy role but I now see every victory and failure in the organism that is our home.  Now add me sitting, standing, or laying down with little hope of assisting in the fray and you understand the frustration of not being what she needs me to be.  After all, there is only so much sage wisdom to be shared from a recliner and the cooking, cleaning, and all out wrangling grossly outweighs my small contributions.  Still she labors on with grace.

Phase III: After the first six weeks we made another trip to St. Louis.  This time with the help of my brother Sean we ventured out and back in one day.  I feel like I have spent enough nights in St. Louis for a while... The follow up involved very little in regards to any new information.  It was basically to make sure that there were no issues with the way the bones were setting and how the hardware and special sauce (Bone Morphogenetic Proteins) were incorporating themselves in the healing bones.  I donned my special wrap dress that had what appeared to be a background print from some 90's TV show and once properly gowned I again pursued my dream of becoming an X-Ray model.  Below for those who like these sort of things are the "after shots"

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Phase IV: "He's off his meds!" So I had the bright idea of just not taking drugs at all.  I doubt Mrs. Reagan had ever experienced the withdraw chills or violent headaches when she sloganed about the country with "Just Say No" in her war on drugs... Nasty stuff, but the frustration of being in rock star euphoria one minute and dealing with all the side effects that come along with it the next led me to just say no.  At this point it felt like starting rehab all over again.  I slept often and it took longer to catch up after overdoing it.  I was taking some pretty heavy doses for years prior to surgery so this is a whole new frontier for me.  After the initial break of no drugs at all and the withdraw I am back to taking something if sleep evades me for too long or the pain blocks rational thought.  All that to say that I am still in the process of staying drug free but at this point I am no longer dependent.

Phase V: The next thing will come.  I will return to work, barring any major setbacks, the first week of July.  I am working on my stamina daily and feel like it is coming along.  The fact that I am able to get back into "normal life" again soon is exciting and at every step whether easy or difficult I am reminded that this is recovery.  It was not long ago that there was little hope of better only slowing down this disease that has stolen much from me and more from my family.  Now we are looking forward to a day when all this is past tense.  Amazing.  

As you think of us rejoice that what was broken is mending.  Pray that patience and temperance rule in the place if restlessness and frustration.  Our path thus far was no mystery to the Father of Lights and we look forward to His good gifts that still lay ahead.  We also trust that the grace we need tomorrow will be offered as it has been all along the way and that we will see His hand in every good gift. 

Jon Michael Moorehead 

Brace Yourself (11379)

I have been home for about a week and a half.  I cannot say how nice it is to be home with all my women.  The hospital and hotel stays were difficult at times but they were so quiet...  The girls have been great and for the most part and gentle with their still "broken" daddy.  Unfortunately, there are a few that cannot help but be rough and clumsy, but let's face it that is probably more the fault of genetics than an indicator of their concern and caring.

We have again seen the blessings of friends and family helping us as we adjust and settle back in to our new normal.  There have been several meals, shopping trips, and child care times provided to help take some of Stacey's burden as well as give me a chance to rest.  I know that my wife has been helped and as I see her loved and cared for I cannot fully express my gratefulness.  I sit in a chair hour after hour and day after day and watch her work often from first light (when Maggie comes bursting from her room looking for snacks like a Kodiak emerging from the cave in the Alaskan Spring) until long after dark (when our little nose miners are in bed sleeping or not).  She works most days all day and so when people step in and give her the gift of time through meals, or help at the house it does my heart good.  In those moments she finally has a chance to "be with us" for a little while.  It gives her a chance to read a book to the girls, or play a game with us, or in the case of our kids being out for a play date with their friends or on an overnight at Papa and Nana's house she can sit down with me... a rare sight in our house.

How am I doing or how am I feeling?  That is a good question.  I am still in awe of modern medicine and have very few complaints.  The pain is nowhere near where I imagined it would be even at this point.  In the spirit of full disclosure I will say that the previous statements do not apply in that aftermath of a sneeze or the ever deplorable bout of hiccups.  In those moments all bets are off and I can be seen weeping like the colloquial baby whose candy was just easily stolen...

The main thing I am doing now is nothing, which for me is quite difficult. The doctors have four different medications to help with pain and muscle spasms.  They also said that the pain would let me know when I was doing too much.  However, because I have lived in pain for so many years, the idea of slowing down because something hurts is not automatic.  That means that I must frequently remind myself to move slowly and carefully keep things to a minimum.  That being said, I am able to do most of my everyday tasks by myself with the aid of a few tools.  In fact, the only item I still need "the assist" on is getting a shower, but we are at the point where we have been cleared to get a shower so that is of little concern.  On that note, I am just glad to finally feel like I am nearly as clean as the new clothes I am changing into!

The stitches are looking good and they are now uncovered and more than a little itchy.  I slept most of the night last night on my side which was a big help in giving the usual pressure points their first break in a few weeks.  I am trying to weaning myself off of the pain medications as much as possible to ensure that I am reminded to keep my activities within the prescribed limitations.  I am not the smartest human being and today proved even less intelligent than I had previously thought [cut to me erasing a mark and moving it down on the smart chart]... There was something I was trying to look at below eye level so naturally, I kind of leaned and twisted-- let me assure you that had you witnessed it-- neither the sight nor sounds could be categorized as "natural".  Hence I have taken all the pills available and then decided that it was time to break out the brace... time will tell how effective such a device may be, but it is time to at least implement this tool.  I will be trying to use it more often when up for extended periods to help remind myself that things are still healing and will be for some time.

I have had the time to catch up on some shows, watch some spring training games, and read three books.  I am still tired often even by little efforts and yet slightly restless.  I am mentally ready for going to church and small group and work and the movies and bowling--however, physically I am not.  In the next few weeks we will be reevaluating those situation and with some sense and restraint I may be able to attempt a few things on the list.  We have our first doctor visit as a surgical follow up on April 20th in St. Louis so that will be a big step towards knowing what is next.

Right now the first baseball games of the year are on TV and that is exciting for a baseball fan.  It is also neat to think that this is much like my spring training to being normal--physically for the first time in a very long time.  It is hard to sit and watch life happen around you, but that is my particular job at the moment.  I am not sure I ever appreciated some of the unseen struggles of living with disabilities the way I do now.  To that end my wife has been amazing at every turn.  For me sitting here not being able to do much beyond, "Listen to your mother." and adding whatever counseling I can from an arm chair is starting to take a toll.  Stacey and had a long tearful conversation last night after a tough Saturday.  It was mostly came down to trying to keep the main things the main things.  As you can imagine, there is always something that needs Stacey's attention so as we work through life with a chair-bound dad and a super busy mom we are working to be better tomorrow than we were today.  We do not want to miss precious moments with our girls,or each other for that matter.  These moments are easily robbed by anxiousness about upcoming tasks or my frustrations and feelings of helplessness.  We are working on enjoying the now.  Living in the present with the firm hope that the grace that led us here is already holding us tomorrow.

The Royals are about to play some ball and Ava has made us all some quesadillas so I am going to sign off for now.  Please continue to pray for us as we may come to mind.  Keep us in mind as we deal with being content in where we are in this part of our journey and Stacey continues to serve her youngins and difficult husband in the weeks to come.  With some work and a good dose of grace we will be much closer in the weeks to come-- by grace that is the way we are trying to steer this ship...

Jon Michael Moorehead

Michael's Back (11367)

What a month it has been!  We are home.  I am sitting in a chair in our front room working on getting my mind wrapped around all the events of the last few weeks and months.  Many tears have been shed, many prayers answered and so many people have supported us in ways we can never truly repay.

The trip home was daunting to think about, but once again we managed just fine.  Dad drove into the wind and we avoided as many potholes and road quirks as we could.  Every time we stopped I walked for a good ways and was so encouraged by the nice weather.  It has been in the seventies and although the wind was blowing it was beautiful weather to prance about in the sunshine.  I opted for pajama pants and a tank top which were comfortable but the tank did not cover all my bandages so as I pranced (with the aid of a walker of course) around in the wind and the sun for the first time in almost two weeks I am sure it was a sight to behold...

The car ride and the days we have had without children has given me much time to ponder.  I have nothing but great news in almost every detail of our journey in the last month, but just like the news of an attack in Brussels breaking into a ball game there have been stories of pain and sadness from our network of friends and loved ones which have broken through our news feeds of phones.  We rejoice in all God has done for us in these last few months, but we recognize that in our season of joy there are many with sorrows still.  With those thoughts in mind I will try to bring you back up to date and perhaps do our first re-cap post.

Only months ago we were finally given the hope of a fix, a real long term solution.  My back had long been a problem for our family.  It made everyday seem like we were just surviving.  In fact that was my only real plan.  I was going to survive... until I didn't.  There was joy but little hope and an abundance of stress.  We have always known in our heads that the goodness of our God was enough.  We always trusted that the goodness of His plan for us was sure and that nothing of our struggle was missed, in fact it was ordained.  I have said as much before, but we would not be the us we are now unless God had led us how He did "then".  Our darkest days were some of the few times we saw the true brightness of His presence.  It was in these valleys where life didn't make sense and the future was anything but sure that we learned to lean on and long for the peace and joy that came in spite of all we could see and the faith that let us taste the goodness of the things we could not.

We wept.  We yelled at each other and sometimes the kids.  We would often throw around the phrase, "You have no idea what I'm going through".  And then eventually we would hug and cling to each other and look beyond the darkness to the keeper of the light and source of true joy.  We knew joy in the midst of sorrow.  We had peace the the midst of storms and we had faith which had to be given us because there was obviously no way it could be mustered from our sorry souls ready to faint.  This all comes flooding back as we see a mountaintop but dear ones are suddenly in the valleys or perhaps still bogged down and not able to break from sorrows so abundant.  There is hope.  There is joy, but it is not in the absence of pain or sorrow.  In fact, most times for us it mingled in with all of the realities of life and we carried both.  The best news is that as I recount to you our joys know that the God we serve is one who will make all things right.  It may not happen when or how we wish, but by His very nature our God restores broken things and is the mender of the the most broken hearts.

I am in awe of what God has accomplished in the restoration of a back.  Even though there is a long road of recovery yet to go we have seen miracles which we could never have imagined just a few short months ago.  The plans for child care, travel, surgery, and a million other little things have kept falling into place and in the whirlwind of the last few weeks we have never been more sure of the goodness of our God and the love of our friends and family.  As scary as such a major surgery is we were never in doubt that this is where our journey led.

The Surgery on the 14th went better than expected and the screws and rods are installed from T3-L2 which will likely give me the most range of motion possible.  The doctor leading the surgery even made the comment afterwards that since I did not even require a single blood transfusion I almost didn't need to go to the ICU at all.  When I fist woke up in ICU the pain was beyond what I imagined or could easily describe.  As I woke up the nursing staff was washing blood out of my hair and I was begging for more pain killers.  Later that day I would find out the reason for the hair wash is that during surgery they did end up pulling traction (by putting a screw in either side of my head and the cranking on it like it was the middle ages).  The next few hours were difficult as it would mean standing for the first time, then sitting in a chair for a few hours.  After I was moved to a normal room the evening of Tuesday the 15th things were starting to settle in a bit.  My oxygen levels came up and I had somewhat resigned myself to the amount of pain required to get up and move.  I was a bit overconfident and overdid things with some moving and walking so I did have a day that I spent trying to recuperate.  It was on the recuperation day that we switched to a new muscle relaxer which did wonders.  The biggest pain point is the muscles which have all been stretched incredibly far and some of which we newly back where they belonged after having to be moved out of the way to add hardware.  The rest of the time was spent resting in between learning how to use some fancy, and some not so fancy, tools to put on socks or use the rest room by myself again.  We made it to the hotel on Saturday the 19th and then having rested another day or two left for home home today on Tuesday the 22nd.

We stopped by and saw the girls on the way home and that was so good for their mommy and daddy's hearts... It may have been good for them as well.  We will have another day or so to see how rehab is working here prior to them coming home full time.  I am sitting in a comfy chair that is on lone to us from some dear friends from church.  It will stand me up and also lays all the way back so I could sleep here and give most of the sore muscles a break for a few days.  Stacey and I are looking forward to bringing home all of our crazy kids, but for now we are so thankful for a few more days together adjusting to how life will work for the next few weeks.

We have prayed prayers of thankfulness, we have been overjoyed at the hand of God in our lives.  Now as we settle back home we are adding our prayers for sustaining joy and comfort for those that need to be held in those same hands tonight.  We serve an amazing God and we praise Him for even the simple things like getting ready to tuck into our own beds tonight.

Thankful,

Jon Michael Moorehead

Stitches get Itches (11365)

The first night out of the hospital went fairly well.  I am already missing the hospital adjustable bed but other than that we are doing well.  We have a few wedge pillows and I get up to walk around then resettle in a slightly different position so that helps.  Stacey has been pretty amazing through the process of me trying to bark an order (as kindly as I can ) and her doing her best to get me positioned quickly and comfortably without frustrations.  She is also managing my pill schedule well and keeping me medicated and happy for the most part.

The stitches and other wounds, like IV and drain ports are starting to itch.  The good news is that they are the good, I'm healing, sort of itching... but it is still slightly bothersome.  We are really working on not twisting but also trying to give me the most independent mobility as possible.  It is a balance and we want to do well with progressing without overdoing it and causing issues.

I am feeling really well.  Much better than I thought that I would at this point.  That is a huge blessing!  Stacey and I are getting along well but we are still working on our communication in the heat of pain or movements.  There have been moments of stress or pain and when the pills are not working well we both have moments of discouragement or frustration but most of our time has been really sweet these past few days.

We are so blessed to have the support team that we do and all the comments and prayers have been so encouraging.  The recovery journey is underway and though it is long it has already been mostly happy.  We have again seen the hand of God though comfort and blessings too many to count.

We have another night or two here in Saint Louis then we will be making the journey home.  We are starting to get really home sick.  We miss friends and family, but mostly we miss our little girls.  They are so special and unique and loud that the silence, though welcome occasionally, has grown sort of melancholy.  We cannot wait to see them again and hear about their adventures this week.  I am ready for some soft hugs and some good talks with our little ones.  We love our crazy busy life full of pink and passionate princesses and cannot wait for a little noise again... then maybe we would need a break again... but for now we are just sick enough to ache for all the craziness.

Perhaps the next update will come shortly or perhaps we will have another few days prior to feeling up to it...  Either way thanks again for checking in!

Jon Michael Moorehead

Some days are longer than others (11362)

What a blessing we had in pain management and peace of mind our first few days.  It became an even bigger blessing when we had a day like today.  I had walked a good deal yesterday on muscles still recovering from so much surgery.  That did not take a toll right away, but over the next few hours it became apparent that we had gone too far.  It was the first truly miserable night.

My morphine pump came out along with several other tubes so I feel a little more independent but we are relying on pills alone to control pain and muscle spasms.  Before it sounds too much like complaining let me refer to the opening sentence.  We thought every moment of the first few weeks would all feel like today.  We know that this was an extensive surgery that will require a long recovery but we have already seen releif and peaceful nights so today was simply the proof that we have an ebb and flow of good and tough days ahead.

In the days ahead we will have more great days of rest and joy, but we also anticipate the fact that there will be some hard and painful nights.  These we take together as a blessing.  Both are part of our journey and both are designed for our good.
This evening we got to see more family.  Alex brought Sydney and Leah out tonight and they are planning to stay the weekend.  We saw Daniel and Charity's gang last night.  So far, all of theses younger ones have gotten apprehensive around to the Hospital version of their uncle... But in the cutest way.

We have been reminded again of all your prayers and gifts and comforting comments.  This would be so difficult had we had to "go it alone".  We are far from alone and it has made such a difference.  We thank God upon every rememberance of you!

We have another two days ahead of me here in the hospital.  They feel comfortable releasing me as early as tomorrow but we are more keen on getting one more day here to help us prepare for our recovery at home.  Mom and Dad Nichols should be in tomorrow and then Saturday we plan to check out of the hospital so I can join Stacey in the hotel.  Stacey's folks will help with that first transition then my folks will be in Monday or Tuesday to help us make the long trek home.

I am glad to have a chance, at last, to give an in-depth report today.  Once again we have seen God's goodness in allowing a window of comfort.

Jon Michael Moorehead

Dad through the night (11361)

My dad stayed through the night last night.  It was nice to open my eyes and have dad here.  Luckily though, my eyes were closed more often than they were open and I slept well.  I am still on ice chips only so I sleep for about an hour or two the have to get ice in my incredibly dry mouth.  Dad was quick with ice and to scratch my legs and toes (which seem so far away now).  Mom and dad are on the way back home now so we will not see them again until Sunday or Monday when we start the journey home.

That day seems far away but we are getting closer every day.  Today had a few more mile stones.  I was able to roll over and stand with very little assistance, which is just seems too crazy sometimes. We are in awe of what the surgery team was able to accomplish while still leaving me in good enough condition to feel this well. There are a good deal of "do nots" on the warning sheet PT gave us but after getting up and standing I was able to walk out to the hall and back.  All in all I am feeling sore but very good.  There will be some more rough days as we continue but with every little step we are rejoicing for each victory leading us to restoration in my broken body.

Just as it was nice for dad to be here through the night I couldn't help but think of all the ways that my heavenly father has been here with provisions and comfort whenever I looked up and needed anything He was already providing.  I am loved and so grateful.

We have been told that we are likely on schedule to get checked out of the hospital this Saturday so we are clicking right along.  We know we are in good hands here but we are also itching to get back to the comfort of home and to spend more time with our precious girls.

We were able to call our ladies today which did my heart good.  They are having a blast with friends this week and we praise God for that provision and the people who have loved us and stood in the gap this week.

This post andtook a while to write... It is easier when my eyes stay open.  I did get rolled over to my side so I think I am going to get some sleep.

Until the next update,
Jon Michael Moorehead

Next Steps (11360)

Good morning from the ICU.  Stacey has not officially cleared me for comment on social media--so this is me going rouge and posting this from my phone.

Thank you again for all the prayers.  I cannot believe how well things have gone thus far!  I was out of surgery earlier than expected and with the exception of coughing my pain has been controlled remarkably well.  Another praise is that in spite of only batrage of "the good stuff" I feel mostly lucid... Though in all fairness, after reading this you may judge differently....

I am off oxygen and have an awesome button for pain which has been utilized with great frequency.  I also have a few other pain meds by mouth which should help in the next steps.  Literal steps.  In thext few hours I am scheduled to stamd and walk!

Feels quite daunting, but we are so thankful for so many who's prayers have accomplished so much on our behalf thus far.  We ask for more and trust the goodness of our God that hears them.

More updates to come.

Jon Michael Moorehead

Final Stretch(es) (11358)

I am literally doing some final stretches prior to surgery...  There is little left to do today so Stacey and I spent the morning sleeping in then watched a movie.  We are just relaxing and trying to enjoy the last day of "normal us time".  We are down to the final few hours before we need to report to the hospital.  By this time tomorrow we should be almost done with surgery.

Once again we are rejoicing in the provision and care that has been shown to us through so many.  Lindsey is coming today to look after Paige and be with Stacey through the whole week.  It is something that has again helped put me at ease knowing that Stacey will have her sister to help and to lean on.  My parents will also be getting in this evening so we will have them here for the surgery and then the next few crucial days as well.  There are a lot of things that we tried to think through in regards to comfort and getting over the first few days... but having your mommy here just makes sense right?  Dad too.  I wouldn't have what little common sense I do have without his phrases running through my head.  So we are just "doing the next right thing" and I have been thinking about how many people have sacrificed for us from parents to siblings and friends.  Dad has often said in regards to money: "It's God's money and He can do with it what He wants." but the point has always been that we are not the masters of our things so it is up to us to trust God with what we are stewards of because in the end it belongs to Him anyhow.  Kind of makes things simple enough for me to get my head around, know what i mean Vern?  We have peace in that all God has given Stacey and I still belongs to Him.  They are His and His alone.  He will do as He sees fit and we have seen His goodness in provision and presence all along the way so far.  He has brought us to a place where we couldn't have imagined being just a few years ago.

Prayers and gifts have come from all over the world--literally.  We have not yet felt like we are doing any part of this in a vacuum or that we have been alone for a second.  That is amazing and amazingly comforting.  Thank you to all those who have prayed for peace and for all of you who have done something to bring peace.

Stacey and I met as teenagers who knew everything some thirteen years ago.  We since learned how little we knew and how selfish we are.  It has been an amazing journey from the girl I knew was special to the woman I know was meant for me.  Life became harder than we ever imagined and I am not sure that when we were googly eyed college students we could have ever guessed the journey we would take together.  Thank goodness for that because she would have likely run and still be on the run today... but that again is the goodness of our Great God.  He brought me to a place where I was unexpectedly enamored with an Indiana girl.  Then through the years of marriage and children and pain and disability He showed Himself to me through her love and devotion and care for me.  I am not an easy person to love--I mean really love.  I pride myself at being palatable in small doses but living with me has certain drawbacks.  She has seen and put up with the worst bits of Michael.  She has hung in there when life was too hard to deal with.  She stayed and did the next right thing and then the next.  In the darkest hours of my pain and frustration and sorrows she has been the tangible chord of love.  She has been the thing I knew I could cling to when the storms came and blocked my view of hope and peace and the good plan of God.  I am not saying she has been the most cheerful companion, because that might have been really hard to deal with, but she has been real and she has been present when I needed her the most.

One of the things that excites me most about tomorrow is the thought that I will begin to regain my husband abilities.  I have been a husband reduced to words more than actions.  It has taught us much and required me to think and speak with more care, but I long for the days when I can again "take care of stuff".  I want to build things, and fix things.  I think there are certain parts of everyone's character that, broken as it is by sin, still holds a little of that original likeness of our creator.  I love fixing things.  A few months ago I was working on something and could not find a pair of channel lock pliers that I knew should be "right there".  They were not right anywhere.  When I finally located the tool--it has been left in a cup of water.  The three dollar pliers were rusted shut and would be useless.  It was one or two in the morning and since I couldn't sleep anyway and the original project was no rush I began to take apart the pliers.  I soaked them, sanded, filed, and worked on the pliers for over an hour.  It was peaceful and cathartic.  It was also a great reminder to me that God fixes broken things.  Not because of how valuable they are but because of how valuable He can make them.  It was about restoration.  I love that concept and as I worked on those pliers with a file and a few other tools I thought of all those who have helped scrape the gunk off of my own life.  I thought of all those who cared enough to be tools to restore me to usefulness.  My back will be worked on a lot tomorrow.  It will be broken and straightened and eventually through some healing restored as useful.  Just another picture of the fact that our God is a God of restoration.  I look forward to being healed enough in the days to come to find more things to fix...

In the meantime we have a ways to go.  Tomorrow we will report to the hospital at 5:30am and start the preparations for surgery, which is scheduled to start at 7:30am.  If all goes well then the surgeon should be done with me by 4-5pm.  That would be a nine hour surgery.  If the doctors take a long lunch or there are any complications then it may be a little later in the evening.  There should be approx. 24 screws and two 1/4" stainless steel rods approx. 20" in length in there by the time they close me up.  The doctors are expecting to use a few units of blood throughout the day to replace the loss expected in such a long and involved procedure.  I will be transferred to the ICU tomorrow evening and then to a regular recovery room the following day if everything is stable.  From there it will be a few weeks before the bones heal together and there is risk of clots and a one and ten chance that the bones will not heal to the hardware.  The days should consist of lots of meds and a little walking to gradually reversing the ratio to a little bit of medicine and a lot of walking.  We expect things to go well and if everything goes as planned then we should be out of the hospital as early as Friday the eighteenth.  We will then stay in Saint Louis for another few days and have a post operative appointment Tuesday so that we can be cleared to go home!

There may be some slight changes on the above itinerary but for now that is what we are looking at.  Stacey will be keeping people up to date on Facebook and I will get back to the keyboard as soon as the doctors allow and Stacey clears me for "appropriateness in spite of drugs"

Thanks again for all of you that care for our family and putting up with my ramblings when you likely just wanted a quick update...

Jon Michael Moorehead

Closer Yet (11356)

Since the last update I have finished a last day of work and started my extended leave, we said goodbye to the older five girls and dropped them off with all kinds of things to start their adventures for the next few weeks, traveled to St. Louis and had a central IV catheter put in under my right clavicle, and also wrapped up a few last minute tasks like a fitting for a post operative brace.  The post starts with a run on sentence... but in all fairness that is how we have felt for the last few weeks.  They have truly been a blur and the last few days before our surgery are going just as fast.

The blessing of family and friends have been amazing.  We feel so supported!  I cannot really explain how often we have seen someone step in and take care of something big or small.  There has been much to do and so much to think about but at every turn we have been loved and helped.  We are blessed and we are being held up in word, deed, and so many prayers and we praise God for all of you who have been part of bringing us to this point.

The little things are starting to register and the time in a hotel away from most of my little ladies is bringing certain items to mind.  The blessing of the fast paced schedule thus far has been that Stacey and I have had little time to dwell on the details.  Little things like getting a catheter in my right shoulder means that I cannot hold Paige on that side and should not be picking her up at all really.  That only reminds me that yesterday I hugged her older sisters (I mean I really hugged them) for the last time for a while.  After surgery I will have a great deal of healing to do prior to being able to give or be given a "real hug".  I am not complaining about it for the most part, hugs are not generally my favorite thing, but after being away from my band of princesses for so long it will be hard to still be "broken" when we do see them again in a few weeks.  There are many other small things that we may have time to think on now so the prayer we ask for now is that the time Stacey and I have this weekend will be spent wisely together.  I have a bad habit of sinking into myself and dwelling on things leaving everyone else outside my circle of trust... so pray that Stacey and I have the time to talk together and be present the next few days as everything sinks in and the reality of Monday, Tuesday and beyond come to bear.

The immense nature of our current undertaking still hasn't really hit me like I thought it would...  Stay tuned in case there is a panic-post...  The next step is signing a few more documents just in case things do not go as we plan on Monday.  This is something that can bring up scary or unpleasant thoughts and feelings but even in the midst of talking through "worst case scenarios" we know that we have already received so many good gifts from our Heavenly Father and that the best plan has always been His plan.  Because of that fact, there is little worry on our part and it would do little good even if there was.  We did not get to a major surgery by taking huge leaps.  We were led here little by little by a loving guide.  This latest development is just the next step planned out for us on our journey.  We are excited for what this all means for our family.  We are praising God for the path thus far and excited to see how this will change our path down the road.

I would like to post once more on some details for what we are expecting Monday and Tuesday then keep you up to date on our Hospital stay the rest of that week.  Lord willing you will see a few more posts shortly.

Jon Michael Moorehead

One Week Until Surgery (11352)

We are now one week from my spinal fusion!  That means that there is much so say and much more to do.  The last month has been a blur so I have said little and thought much... and while my goal has not been to shut anyone out I have not been very vocal of late.  Since today is the first post I will attempt to use some broad strokes to cut down on your reading...

The Prelude

First of all, today has been a long time coming.  I have had a progressive form of Scheuermann's Kyphosis which has defined much of the last few years.  In fact a misshaped back has perhaps shaped more of my almost ten year marriage than any other factor.  We have six beautiful girls and my life as a daddy and a husband have been very limited due to chronic severe pain.  It has been a long few years of doctors, specialists, and very few answers.  We recently found a doctor who specializes in deformities such as mine and he is not only familiar with what I have, but he also pioneered certain materials and devices in the surgical world designed to correct this particular defect.  After finding a doctor who is so specialized, and only a few hours from us in St. Louis, we were slated for surgery.  It was originally scheduled for June but was pulled up to March 14th.  That means that we had a good deal to do in a very short time. 

The Nitty-Gritty

So, if you are like me then you hear "surgery" and want to hear the details... if you are like some of my non-medical nerd friends then you may not be so interested in the following tidbits. 

My condition is defect in the vertebrae which is typically discovered during adolescent growth spurts.  It is a developmental disease which causes the front of the spine not to grow while the back of the vertebrae grows normally.  This leaves the spine with segments which are wedge shaped and causes the upper back to curve inward.  When the curve is beyond a 50 degree angle (somewhere around 30 is normal) then there is typically pain associated.

 --If you are still waiting for the gross stuff then hold on we'll get to the rods and screws in a minute but just like a super-heroe my origin story is critical to understanding... stuff--

My curve went from about 50 when diagnosed to a current curve of above 80 degrees in about a decade.  Since the problem is in the portion of vertebrae that the lungs connect to the main factors for pain are not necessarily sports and work, but rather breathing and standing/sitting.  At 90 degrees the space in the ribcage is just not sufficient for the lungs and heart which start to show considerable wearing/damage.  This becomes fatal when the organs cannot keep up with their tasks... So we want to avoid that.  The surgery will be correcting the spine back to about the 50 degree mark and stabilizing it with 1/4" stainless steel rods and screws. 

That's right next week I begin my path towards becoming the bionic man. 

In order to correct the curve and provide long term success the doctor will be preforming a long fusion.  This will mean that all the vertebrae from T2 (just below the neck) to L2 or L3 (which is in the "upper" low back)  The surgery involves "breaking" (scoring the backs of all vertebrae involved), inserting a screw on either side of the spinous process which will hold the two 1/4" steel rods (one for each side like the screws).  Then they will be filling the voids with my bone chips, cadaver bone, and a specialized man-made protein called BMP which will all help create one piece when all has healed.  For more details you can actually find some youtube videos detailing (with pictures and video) of the basic process... but I am not providing a link because I will be in denial about this for a little while so I am avoiding those pictures and video for the time being... just know that if you are curious it is out there. 

The Aftermath

We are planning to be in St. Louis this Friday to have my central line put in prior to the surgery which is slated for 7:30 Monday 3/14.  I will report for surgery on Monday morning at 5:30.  Then in 10 short hours, for me at least, I will be all fixed... There will likely be several units of blood required and the amount of surgery means that the day after will be spent in the ICU.  If all goes well then I will move to a normal recovery room for the next five to seven days and be released the following week to go home to Kansas City.  Since there is risks of clots the doctors will want me to walk for a little bit every hour after the ICU day.  The bones should start healing in six or seven weeks and then fully heal by a year or year and a half.  There is plenty that could go wrong but the above is what is to be expected if all goes well.

The Summary

While the medical details above are important to tell our story they tell a very small part of our real story.  I will try to find time to write more about our journey: The real people and real paths we have walked, run, stumbled, and strayed from.  It has been a long journey thus far, but it is one that has brought us here.  It is one that we are living now and a journey I would not trade given the chance.  I cannot say who I would be without chronic pain.  I cannot say what my marriage would look like without the storms we have weathered.  What I know is that grace and goodness have led us to where we are right now.  Grace has brought us to here and now by bringing us through the valleys and the storms where we have been led by a Sovereign plan, pushed by sufficient grace, and held by a love eternal.  All along the way we have found our God to be a little sweeter and much bigger than we did before setting out.  There are many concerns and details that we simply will not know until later.  So for now we are fighting to not to lose the beauty of today in the shadows of tomorrow.  We are overwhelmed but not worried.  We have no way to adequately thank everyone we feel that we should.  We have been humbled and blessed by the love that we have received through so many in our lives.  We are genuinely overwhelmed in how God has provided for so many needs through so many people so willing to be a blessing to us.  We are truly in awe and Stacey and I have spent time just marveling again at the goodness of our God seen in the hearts and hands of so many of you.  So, while this seems ridiculous all I can say right now is thank you.  I could say it again and again, but we are so thankful for all those that have come along side us.

Hopefully that gives a little glimpse of our journey.  I plan to post more as we get a little farther down the road and as the 14th gets closer. 

Jon Michael Moorehead