I have been home for about a week and a half. I cannot say how nice it is to be home with all my women. The hospital and hotel stays were difficult at times but they were so quiet... The girls have been great and for the most part and gentle with their still "broken" daddy. Unfortunately, there are a few that cannot help but be rough and clumsy, but let's face it that is probably more the fault of genetics than an indicator of their concern and caring.
We have again seen the blessings of friends and family helping us as we adjust and settle back in to our new normal. There have been several meals, shopping trips, and child care times provided to help take some of Stacey's burden as well as give me a chance to rest. I know that my wife has been helped and as I see her loved and cared for I cannot fully express my gratefulness. I sit in a chair hour after hour and day after day and watch her work often from first light (when Maggie comes bursting from her room looking for snacks like a Kodiak emerging from the cave in the Alaskan Spring) until long after dark (when our little nose miners are in bed sleeping or not). She works most days all day and so when people step in and give her the gift of time through meals, or help at the house it does my heart good. In those moments she finally has a chance to "be with us" for a little while. It gives her a chance to read a book to the girls, or play a game with us, or in the case of our kids being out for a play date with their friends or on an overnight at Papa and Nana's house she can sit down with me... a rare sight in our house.
How am I doing or how am I feeling? That is a good question. I am still in awe of modern medicine and have very few complaints. The pain is nowhere near where I imagined it would be even at this point. In the spirit of full disclosure I will say that the previous statements do not apply in that aftermath of a sneeze or the ever deplorable bout of hiccups. In those moments all bets are off and I can be seen weeping like the colloquial baby whose candy was just easily stolen...
The main thing I am doing now is nothing, which for me is quite difficult. The doctors have four different medications to help with pain and muscle spasms. They also said that the pain would let me know when I was doing too much. However, because I have lived in pain for so many years, the idea of slowing down because something hurts is not automatic. That means that I must frequently remind myself to move slowly and carefully keep things to a minimum. That being said, I am able to do most of my everyday tasks by myself with the aid of a few tools. In fact, the only item I still need "the assist" on is getting a shower, but we are at the point where we have been cleared to get a shower so that is of little concern. On that note, I am just glad to finally feel like I am nearly as clean as the new clothes I am changing into!
The stitches are looking good and they are now uncovered and more than a little itchy. I slept most of the night last night on my side which was a big help in giving the usual pressure points their first break in a few weeks. I am trying to weaning myself off of the pain medications as much as possible to ensure that I am reminded to keep my activities within the prescribed limitations. I am not the smartest human being and today proved even less intelligent than I had previously thought [cut to me erasing a mark and moving it down on the smart chart]... There was something I was trying to look at below eye level so naturally, I kind of leaned and twisted-- let me assure you that had you witnessed it-- neither the sight nor sounds could be categorized as "natural". Hence I have taken all the pills available and then decided that it was time to break out the brace... time will tell how effective such a device may be, but it is time to at least implement this tool. I will be trying to use it more often when up for extended periods to help remind myself that things are still healing and will be for some time.
I have had the time to catch up on some shows, watch some spring training games, and read three books. I am still tired often even by little efforts and yet slightly restless. I am mentally ready for going to church and small group and work and the movies and bowling--however, physically I am not. In the next few weeks we will be reevaluating those situation and with some sense and restraint I may be able to attempt a few things on the list. We have our first doctor visit as a surgical follow up on April 20th in St. Louis so that will be a big step towards knowing what is next.
Right now the first baseball games of the year are on TV and that is exciting for a baseball fan. It is also neat to think that this is much like my spring training to being normal--physically for the first time in a very long time. It is hard to sit and watch life happen around you, but that is my particular job at the moment. I am not sure I ever appreciated some of the unseen struggles of living with disabilities the way I do now. To that end my wife has been amazing at every turn. For me sitting here not being able to do much beyond, "Listen to your mother." and adding whatever counseling I can from an arm chair is starting to take a toll. Stacey and had a long tearful conversation last night after a tough Saturday. It was mostly came down to trying to keep the main things the main things. As you can imagine, there is always something that needs Stacey's attention so as we work through life with a chair-bound dad and a super busy mom we are working to be better tomorrow than we were today. We do not want to miss precious moments with our girls,or each other for that matter. These moments are easily robbed by anxiousness about upcoming tasks or my frustrations and feelings of helplessness. We are working on enjoying the now. Living in the present with the firm hope that the grace that led us here is already holding us tomorrow.
The Royals are about to play some ball and Ava has made us all some quesadillas so I am going to sign off for now. Please continue to pray for us as we may come to mind. Keep us in mind as we deal with being content in where we are in this part of our journey and Stacey continues to serve her youngins and difficult husband in the weeks to come. With some work and a good dose of grace we will be much closer in the weeks to come-- by grace that is the way we are trying to steer this ship...
Jon Michael Moorehead
Be still and know that He is God...praying for you guys.
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